• Breakups are hard, but fortunately, so are other men’s penises
• Breakups can be slippery, but luckily, so are other women’s vaginas
• Congrats on your divorce!
• Wus-band: someone who was your husband
• Congratulations! So happy for you!
• Happy divorce! We never liked them anyway
•You’re free!
• If Jen can get over Brad, you can get over this twat
• Less self doubt, more self love
• Bet you wish you didn’t spend so much money on your wedding
• Here’s to being courageous, independent, and single as fuck
• Not sorry for your loss
• Just divorced! And loving it!
• Divorce: better than ending up on a True Crime podcast
• Don’t ever let anyone treat you like free salsa.. you are guacamole {queso}
• He broke your heart, so I’m going to break his legs
• Sorry about your breakup, but you had more warnings than a prescription drug commercial
• Forget how you feel and remember what you deserve
• Fuck that fucking fucker
• Just because he’s good for your hole doesn’t mean he’s good for your soul
• You deserve better and they deserve worse
• I’m so happy you’re going to take time away from him {her} forever
• I’d we have to choose sides.. I’m on yours
• Sorry the relationship everyone thought was the worst decision of your life has ended
• Tomorrow is not promised, be a hoe today
• If I could give your ex 0 stars, I would
• I now pronounce you over and done
• Ding dong the witch is dead
• Relationships are like yard sales: they look good from far away, but up close its a bunch of shit you don’t need
• One {wo}man’s trash is another {wo}man’s trash
• Your painful breakup has made me feel less alone, so thank you for that
• It’s not him {her}, it’s you FINALLY realizing that they’re terrible for you
• {S}he was the knife to your soup, the peanut butter to your sushi.. aka worthless
• You can always cherish the initial misconceptions you had about him {her}
• Your vagina {penis} deserves so much better
• Roses are red, hugs are free, who needs men when you have me?
• Why’d you marry that ass hole in the first place?
•Difference between a divorce and circumcision: divorce gets rid of the whole dick
• Whoever said money can’t buy happiness has never paid for a divorce
• Now accepting applications for a real man {woman / person}
• You we’re too good for them anyway
• The only thing worse than your divorce is your ex
• You put up with each other for way too long
• Divorced AF
• Forget him! You wear heels bigger than his dick
• Seriously.. you held your farts in for him? Time to let loose girl!
• There’s plenty of other fish in the sea.. and they’re not all clown fish
• You may be single, but you’re definitely not alone
• The best way to get over someone… is to get under someone
• I’m not going to tell you to get over it, I’m going to help you get through it
• One day you’ll cringe at the thought of him {her}
• End of an error
• Divorced and proud
• Do NOT cry over him.. your mascara is too expensive
• It’s not you, it’s me realizing I am too good for you
• It’s better to have loved and lost, than to live with an ass hole for the rest of your life
• Single and ready to mingle
• Sorry about your divorce, unless you initiated it
• Congrats on getting divorced while you still look doable
• Back to doing whatever {whoever}  you want, whenever you want
• I really wish you’d gotten divorced sooner 
• Better late than never!
• Dumpster fires don’t burn forever
• I wish I could take your pain and give it to someone we hate
• So I hear you are available…
• Please join me {us} in celebrating the end of my {your} marriage 
• Happy divorce day anniversary
• Enjoy no longer pretending to like your in-laws
•Divorce: a gift to those dumb enough to get married
• Marriage has made me {you} what I {you} am {are} today.. happily divorced
• The worst part of your divorce was how long it took you to do it
• Roses are red, violets are blue, I am so happy since I got rid of you
• You look good divorced
• Filing my papers under ‘happiest moment of my life’
• Cheers to your divorce - the end of an error!
• Single as a Pringle
• Divorce is a lot like puking! Both make you feel great once they’re over
• A wise {wo}man once said, ‘I’m outta here!” and they lived happily ever after
• Don’t worry! There are plenty of women out there with much bigger boobs!
• Don’t worry! There are plenty of men out there with MUCH BIGGER penises
• You ain’t his hoe no mo.. thank god
• We need to address your horrible taste in {wo}men
• I’m sorry your sad, but it’s your fault for dating such a loser in the first place
• Sorry your ex is such a tool
• Divorce: {n} the first day of the rest of your life
• It’s him, hi! He’s the problem, it’s hi,
• Wanted to let you know that sometimes it doesn’t work out with somebody because they’re a piece of shit who deserves a piece of shit, and you’re not a piece of shit
• There’s two sides to every story, but {s}he was a douche in both of the,
• Here’s to the guys that love us, the losers that lost us, and the lucky bastards that get to meet us
• Life is like a penis: sometimes it up, sometimes it’s down.. but it wont be hard forever
• The only pussy you need in your life right now is a cat
• Less cocks, more cocktails
• Breakups suck.. but you don’t!
• Welcome to your slut era