• Go pluck yourself
• Turkey isn't the only thing getting stuffed
• Today I am thankful for {blank}
• Don't be a jerky, eat some turkey
• Super fucking grateful
• Stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey
• The Native American's got screwed
• Lets get basted
• Feast mode
• Seasons eatings
• My fav part of Friendsgiving is no one asking if I'm single
• Don't blame the holidays, you were fat in August
• Friendsgiving, like Thanksgiving.. but with your friends
• Pairs well with turkey and difficult relatives
• Thankful this year is almost over
• I'm trying to stop the Thanksgiving jokes, but I can’t just quit cold turkey
• I plucking love Thanksgiving
• Cue the food coma
• Yeah, sure, abs are great. But have you ever had cookie cake?
• I’m excited about Thanksgiving cause I love unwelcome advice from relatives
• Pilgrims were undocumented immigrants
• The party don't stop till I've tried everything
• Eat, drink & be thankful
• May your turkey be moist
• Is that your pop-up timer or are you just happy to see me?
• Let's Eat
• Let the gourd times roll
• Why'd the turkey join the band? He had the drumsticks.
• Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape to play Santa Claus
• I wish I was as thin as my patience
• May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs
• Thanksgiving – when the people who are most thankful didn’t have to cook
• Thankful to have a family who eats as much as I do
• Sorry, Native Americans..awkward
• Party like a pilgrim
• This is my Thanksgiving offering
• Happy turkey genocide day
• Planning to eat til I'm sick
• Hope you don't mind, the side dish I'm bringing is several bottles of wine
• I want you to meet my family so you'll see I'm not so bad in comparison
• I'm preparing for Thanksgiving by shopping for stretch pants
• If your left legs Thanksgiving, and your rights Christmas, can I visit you between holidays?
• Let me know if there's anything I can help with from the chair I'll be napping in
• You're invited to feel uncomfortable around my family this Thanksgiving
• Your Tofurky has brought shame to the family
• Sorry your kid's playing a tree in the Thanksgiving play
• Your side of the family is slightly less psychotic than mine
• My belt is already unbuckled
• My pants are already unbuttoned
• Lets temporarily be grateful for things
• Let's eat enough to crash our calorie counting apps • Happy turkey genocide day
• Sorry your girl{boy}friend is too young to sit with us at the adults table
• Grateful our crazy relatives live too far away to join us for Thanksgiving
• I hope you can spend Thanksgiving with loved ones 
instead of your family
• Thanksgiving: bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863
• I love you enough to text you Happy Thanksgiving individually
• Let's eat enough to comfortably feed a third-world family for a month
• Let's get together before Thanksgiving so I can see you {you can see me} while I'm {your} slim
• May you get as much ass play as a turkey this Thanksgiving
• I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage
• Today I am grateful for alcohol
• Save a turkey, stuff me instead ;)
• If the Indians gave Pilgrims a donkey, we'd be eating ass for Thanksgiving
• Let's regret our eating as much as Native Americans regret trusting white people
• Happy Thanksgiving to SOME of you
• I don't only eat breast and thighs on Thanksgiving