• I'd swipe right
• I'm so glad you're as weird as me
• You're the one I text when I'm drunk
• You're lucky to have me
• Be my cum dumpster
• If love is the answer, would you mind rephrasing the question?
• Valentine’s Day: {n} the reason so many people are born in November
• I’m no weatherman, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight
• Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask why you’re still married
• Like Dorothy I {you} attract men {women} that are brainless, heartless, or cowards
• You make me CUMplete
• I love to be with you and in you
• Happy Valentine’s Day! There’s no one I’d rather fail at disciplining the kids with than you
• Our love is like a rainstorm and I’m soaking wet
• Roses are red, lilies are whiffy, one look at you and I get a stiffy
• You give me a boner, not a penis boner, a heart boner. A heart on. An affection erection.
• Lets do the no-pants dance
• This is turning into the longest one night stand ever
• The ocean is full of fish, but you’re the only one that bends my rod
• The only Valentine’s Day gift I need is in your pants
• Lets make a porno
• May I glaze your hole?
• I wanna kiss your lips.. not the ones on your face
• I love you more than anything.. except my dog
• Words can’t describe my love for you.. so this cookie will have to do
• I think of you even when I’m NOT horny
• I have the F the C and the K.. now all I need is U
• If you’re horny and you know it, clap your hands
• Fuck roses.. let’s just get our freak on
• We aren’t lovebirds.. we are casual sex birds
• Out of 7 billion faces, I only want to sit on yours
• Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m about to cum.. all over you
• You make my wand go ‘ERECTO PATRONUM’
• I love your package, and by package, I mean penis
• Do you fancy me?
• There are 27 bones in my hand.. want to make it 28?
• Out of 14 billion legs, I only want to spread yours
• You CUMplete me
• It’s not that I’m horny all the time.. it’s just that you’re always sexy
• Damn boy {girl} you is fine
• I don’t need a valentine! I need one million dollars and a fast metabolism
• Touch it softly, put 2 fingers inside, make sure it’s wet, and rub up and down! That is how you wash a cup!
• I have a {car model} but my other ride is your face
• You’re a pain in the ass.. but my favorite pain in the ass
• Roses are red, violets are sick.. I cannot wait to be on that dick
• I’ve swallowed so much of your DNA that we might now be related
• If you were president, you'd be Babe-raham Lincoln
• I hope your day is as nice as your ass
• You are above average
• Violets are blue, roses are thorny.. just so you know, you make me horny
• You warm my cold, black heart
• I'm still not sick of you
• Thanks for loving me and my {pet}
• You’re the only wiener for my bun
• I just want you to be happy and naked
• I promise to always be by your side.. or on top of you.. or under you..
• Thanks for all the orgasms
• Roses are red, violets are blue, all my naughty thoughts involve me and you
• A Galentine’s Day reminder: chocolate doesn’t leave dishes in the sink or the toilet seat up
• Happy Valentine’s Day to someone who didn’t need help finding the clitoris
• Even if you were a vegan, I’d give you my meat
• You remind me of my big toe.. sooner or later I’m gonna bang you on the table
• I love you with all my boobs {penis} I’d say heart, but my boobs {penis} are bigger
• I am so happy I chose to ignore your red flags
• {dating app} success story
• I want to do naughty things to you today and everyday
• Lets get naughty
• You hold the key to my heart and apartment
• Valentine's schmalentines
• I love the shit out of you
• You're my favorite ass hole
• I'm so glad we got drunk and had sex
• I love you like Kanye loves Kanye
• I knew I loved you, when I farted and you stayed
• You're the reason I get up in the AM.. JK, it's to pee
• Fuck Valentine's Day, I love you everyday
• You suck less than most people
• You treat me like a unicorn, when I'm an ass
• I fancy you
• Uteruses before duderuses
• Love is in the air… ew
• I’ll take a pizza… dat ass
• Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d leave the royal family for you
• Roses are red, violets are fine, you be the 6 & I'll be the 9
• Thanks for letting me have sex with you
• I'd introduce you to my parents
• I love you from my head to my toes
• What's Galentine's Day? Only the best day of the year
• Cupid got it right
• I’m yours. No returns or refunds.
• I love when you smile. It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips
• I deleted {dating app} for you
• Happy Valentine’s Day to the person I drunk text
• If there's a law against friendship, lock me up - happy Galentine's Day
• You give me boners
• You bring out the slut in me
• I love your {genitalia}
• Ovaries before broveries
• Netflix and chill?
• “She’s my friend because we both know what it’s like for people to be jealous of us”
• I hope you and your right hand have a lovely Valentine’s Day
• Who needs a man when you have a best friend?
• Happy Valentine’s Day to the last person I had sex with
• You are who I text when I’m horny
•Who needs a lover when you have a vibrator?
• Happy Valentine’s Day from the best decision you ever made
• Galentine’s Day: {n} a day for gals to celebrate other gals
• Less cocks, more cocktails
• You’re the only one I answer the phone for
• I’d drink your bath water
• Happy Valentine’s Day to someone I feel comfortable sleeping with sober
• Your real gift is in my pants
• I’m glad you realize your life would suck without me
• I’d give you the password to my phone
• I want your P in my V
• Happy alentines day.. don't worry, you'll get the V later
• No one I would rather bone than you
• I love you like a fat kid loves cake
• You are worth a UTI
• I’m obsessed with you… in a non-creepy way
• Will you be my Galentine?
• Yes, I’d still love you if you were a worm
• I love you more than serial killers love nondescript vans
• Let’s get naked
• Thanks for knowing I was lying when I said I don’t care about Valentine’s Day
• Hoes before bros
• I hope this Valentine’s Day hits the (g) spot
• “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with” -Carrie Bradshaw
• Cupid rhymes with stupid
• There are many fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I want tugging on my rod
• Chicks before dicks
• You’re the SHE to me NANIGANS
• I’m so happy we fucked on the first date
• I’d shave my balls for you
• Let’s have a fiscally but not sexually conservative Valentine’s Day
• I see you in my wet dreams
• Settling for you was the best decision I ever made
• Netflix and a BJ?
• Be my valentine
• Roses are red, violets are blue, this cookie is cheaper than dinner for 2
• Here is an edible Valentine
• Valentine's Day To-Do List: You
• Sisters before misters
• I love that I get to annoy you for the rest of our lives
• You take me from 6 to midnight
• I want a hickey on my dicky
• Chicks before dicks
• My love burns for you stronger than a UTI
• Galentine's Day: a day to celebrate my fav gals
• I love you cause you're like me, and I'm the best
• You suck less than most
• You are the soy sauce to my sushi
• I’m so happy you settled for me
• You repulse me the least
• Galentine’s over Valentine’s
• I’d introduce you to my dog {pet}
• You are the chocolate chips to my cookie
• You’re my favorite phone notification
• Valentine’s is just for a day.. galentine’s is forever
• Happy Valentine’s Day! These holes ain’t gonna fill themselves
• Happy Valentine’s ay.. don’t worry, you’ll get the D later
• Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I’m on my knees, so pull out your penis
• Boys have cooties
• Galentine: {n} the person you can call anytime about anything; secret keeper
• Love is cool, but friendship is better