Mother's Day

• Thanks for having sex with dad
• Thanks for birthing me
• Mom, remember when you would still do that
• My mom is better than your mom
• Mom of the year
• Thanks for not putting me up for adoption
• I hope today is more pleasant than labor was
• I wanted to relax today and then remembered I’m a mom
• Kris Jenner has nothing on you! Happy Mother’s Day!
• Thanks for all the unsolicited advice! Happy Mother’s Day!
• You’re the luckiest mom ever. I’d love to have me as a kid!
• The art of lecturing, learned from mom
• You remind me of {your mom’s favorite female actress/musician/etc}
• You are the Beyoncé of moms
• Like mother like daughter
• If at first you don’t succeed, do it how your mom told you to
• Mom, remember when you {filled in the blank}
• No one can out mom you
• I hope a masseuse is the only only pushing your buttons today
• Keep calm, ask mom
• I’m happy I gave you the honor of birthing me
• Happy Mother’s Day! Sorry I always forget our anniversary! {your birthday}
• Ain’t no hood like motherhood
• I’m the reason you pee a little when you laugh.. Happy Mother’s Day!
• Thanks for keeping me alive
• Thanks for being a great mom through my 20+ year awk stage
• Sorry about your other kids, at least you have me
• Without me, this day wouldn’t mean much
• Mom, you’re one of my favorite parents
• Are you proud that I remembered to get you a Mother’s Day gift?
• If at first you don’t succeed, call mom
• I love being your favorite child
• It’s not easy being a mom.. if it were, dad would do it
• Sorry I ruined your body with my huge head
• There’s no one else I’d rather complain to
• You are right about everything
• Queen of domesticity
• Thanks for everything you’ve done and still have to do for me
• Honored to look just like you
• I’m sorry my huge head ruined your vagina
• OMG, my mom was right about everything
• Mom, where’s the meatloaf (subset text: happy mother’s day)
• Good job, Mom, I’m awesome
• Sorry I kicked you in the womb
• Mom, you are the shit
• Thanks 4 loving me, even though I ruined your vag
• I turned out amazing, you’re welcome
• You’re not a regular mom, you’re a cool mom
• Happy Mother’s Day from your favorite child