Relationships

• Condoms are for dicks
• You’re not my dad, but I call you daddy
• The only female who wants all her holes plugged in Mrs. Potato Head
• As long as I have a face, you have a seat
• What was that? I was too busy imagining having sex with you
• My favorite bone in your body is my own
• I hope you get more ass this weekend than my couch
• Are you an almond, cause I want to milk your nut
• Lets drink just enough to have dirty sex
• You’re on my mind, everyone else is on my nerves
• Thanks for letting me have sex with you
• Sorry I came in your eye
• If you want a princess, don’t act like a whore
• If you want a prince, don’t act like a whore
• You can’t buy my love with that salary
• A real man will make your panties wet, not your eyes
• Oral sex in the AM.. I call that a head start
• I’m so glad I swiped right
• Thanks for loving me, even when I don’t shave my legs
• You’ll do.
• I want to grow old and wrinkly with you
• The only thing I want to do, is you
• I’m so glad you’re as weird as me
• You’re the one I text when I’m drunk
• I love every bone in your body, especially mine
• At least this STD is curable
• Choke me, daddy
• Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty
• I’m saving the cream filling for later
• You got that yummy yummy
• So you’re saying there’s a chance..
• You might be allergic to nuts, but I’ll give you my nut butter
• Pay attention to me
• Anal?
• It’s an honor to have sex with you
• I might be vegan, but I’d eat your meat
• I licked it so it’s mine
• I love you even when you’re PMSing
• I’d let you stay the night
• I’d kiss you after a blow job
• You’re sexual napalm
• Thanks for pulling out
• I don’t care that you’re uncircumzied
• When I eat hot dogs, I think of you
• When I eat tacos, I think of you
• I sent you a cookie – will you suck me off now?
• That was fun, but I’ve had bigger
• Your breath smells like my penis
• I like you for your brain
• Snapchat me that {genitalia}
• Slide into my Dms
• For my favorite fuck buddy
• I’d introduce you to my mom {important figure}
• Can I suck your dick?
• Are you a beaver, cus DAMN
• I don’t care that you’re uncircumcised